but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My breasts were aching with rage.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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