playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
