so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
