Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
