Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
