Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
