i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
