I hate your face
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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