from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
