Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
cat food counts as protein by the way
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
