Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
