I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
my poor anus
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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