I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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