it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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