Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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