Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
