do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
