I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
