your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
smell my finger.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
