Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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