I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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