I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Its about making memories worth repressing
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
