his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
