I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
