why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
