White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
