i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
