He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
