My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
