He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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