you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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