we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
