I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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