i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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