think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
