eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
