Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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