I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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