Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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