But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
