he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
