i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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