If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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