Your dad touched me again.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
