Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
