i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize