she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
