I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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