I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
