help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
