fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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