please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
