so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
