i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
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I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
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It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.