Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.