Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.

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  (734): Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid. http://tfl.nu/qckj
  Replies (33) Good night (691) Bad night (4227)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.

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  (803): I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for. http://tfl.nu/ljvy
  Replies (9) Good night (3689) Bad night (1128)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.

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  (614): Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by. http://tfl.nu/jzor
  Replies (49) Good night (1090) Bad night (4875)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face

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  (832): She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face http://tfl.nu/40gf
  Replies (23) Good night (1021) Bad night (4477)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.

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  (256): Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important. http://tfl.nu/3x1r
  Replies (4) Good night (1750) Bad night (560)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.

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  (+61): We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away. http://tfl.nu/e1yg
  Replies (10) Good night (2290) Bad night (686)
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  (408): View more from California

  Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.

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  (408): Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding. http://tfl.nu/vpqq
  Replies (6) Good night (560) Bad night (1127)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.

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  (815): I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes. http://tfl.nu/i72f
  Replies (7) Good night (1860) Bad night (469)
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  (949): View more from California

  Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.

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  (949): Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame. http://tfl.nu/sj6o
  Replies (2) Good night (1165) Bad night (417)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.

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  (937): Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work. http://tfl.nu/wxxj
  Replies (13) Good night (3002) Bad night (551)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is

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  (262): My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is http://tfl.nu/wa13
  Replies (5) Good night (717) Bad night (388)
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  (408): View more from California

  No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard

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  (408): No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard http://tfl.nu/3xoe
  Replies (3) Good night (561) Bad night (277)
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  (650): View more from California

  Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge

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  (650): Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge http://tfl.nu/undc
  Replies (7) Good night (1145) Bad night (582)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  I can't even make a guess how that goes.

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  (405): No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved. (1-405): I can't even make a guess how that goes. http://tfl.nu/9wcc
  Replies (3) Good night (313) Bad night (334)
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  (722): View more from

  It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush

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  (722): It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush http://tfl.nu/4mo5
  Replies (4) Good night (320) Bad night (782)

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