I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
