dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase