If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.