Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
