if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?