we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
