And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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