I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
