I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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