This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
