Your face is a jimmy john
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
