You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
