Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize