it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
