she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
