dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
