Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
