Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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