In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
