Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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